i originally posted this somewhere else early Tuesday morning. but i decided to post it here as well. this blog is all about my experiences in medical school–i shouldn’t ignore the fact that stress and how i deal with it are part of the journey.
one of the things that Harvard taught me–and i mean, drilled into my head and wrote over my life in pen–is how to lie.
i tell people “i’m fine” before they can get out the last syllable of “how are you doing.” make light of stress by talking about how i went through a whole bag of pretzels in seconds the night before, or fell asleep in the shower, or something like that.
meanwhile, my real state of being is something like Hurricane Sandy.
i know that what i need is to be honest. to actually admit how i’m feeling instead of just saying “i’m working on it.” the Harvard mentality of “i’m fine, you’re fine, everyone’s fine” has followed me back down south like a dark cloud. as i sit here, typing this at 2am, listening to music in minor keys and wondering why i couldn’t get to sleep earlier, i realize that i need to let myself get rid of those lies.
Eni, MD 